Many people shy away from exploring their kinks because they think it’s taboo or boring. But Torrisi says it’s important to communicate your preferences with your partners and have fun.
For instance, she advises discussing a scene’s rules and boundaries beforehand to ensure everyone is comfortable. Other tips include negotiating with your partner and making sure you’re on the same page.
1. Know your preferences
The kink community is a varied group of people with different preferences. Some kinks involve power dynamics, like dominance and submission, while others can be more playful, like role play and spanking. Many kinks can be intimidating or uncomfortable to talk about, but it’s important to be clear with your partner about your interests so that both of you can enjoy the experience.
One of the most popular kinks for men is making DIY porn. Another is dress up sex, with uniforms like nurse and police officer being top choices. Anal training, in which a person inserts progressively longer and girthy objects into the anus to stretch it for sexual activity, is also very common among kinksters. Other common kinks include bondage, dominance and submission, masochism, and fetishism.
It’s also important to remember that kinks can be dangerous, especially when you’re new to them. For example, a sex and pleasure educator says that anal training involves putting a girthy object in an anus without the lubrication needed to prevent injury. If you’re unsure about what kind of kinks you’re comfortable with, it’s best to start slow and work your way up to more intense kinks.
A good place to start is by looking up a kink you’re curious about and learning more about it. You can even join a kink meetup or class to learn more about the practice and connect with others in the community.
2. Be open-minded
According to Merriam-Webster, kink is “unconventional sexual taste or behavior,” and it encompasses a wide variety of preferences, including anal training (inserting progressively long and girthy objects like butt plugs into the anus to stretch the sphincter for sexual activity), handcuffing, spanking, role play, and sadism and masochism. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to kink, and many people don’t know where to start.
If you’re interested in kink, it can be helpful to talk with a sex and pleasure educator. These trained professionals can help you navigate fantasies, explore kink, deal with shame, and learn skills for emotional and physical safety.
Kink can be uncomfortable, but it’s important to remember that the kink community isn’t judgmental. Unlike vanilla society, kinksters embrace their own desires and aren’t afraid to share them openly. They also use a negotiation process called “opt-in consent” to ensure that all parties are comfortable with the scenario and are aware of what they’re getting into.
And even though it may seem taboo, sexual fetishes and kinky sex have been around since the dawn of time. In fact, researchers like Esme James have found that historical figures like Irish author James Joyce, physicist Albert Einstein, and composer Amadeus Wolfgang Mozart had particular sexual tastes. Research shows that cultural norms and events, like religious morals and health epidemics, often dictate the sexual interests of a given era.
3. Know your limits
If you’re interested in exploring kinks and fetishes with an escort service, it’s important to know your limits. This includes knowing how to ask for what you want, but also knowing when to indicate that you’re uncomfortable or that you want to end the scene.
For example, dirty talk is a common kink that involves using suggestive or explicit language during sex to heighten sensation and excitement. If this sounds like something you might be into, it’s a good idea to start small by talking dirty to your partner before you try it out during sex. You might find that you reach orgasm quicker, which can be a great indicator of whether or not you’re into this kink.
Another kink is sensory play, which is a broad category that encompasses many different types of touch. This could include anything from fingerplay to tickling to even penetrative touches. Practicing this kink can help you to explore your senses in new ways and discover what types of sensations you’re most drawn to.
Finally, a common kink is role playing, which involves pretending to be someone else during sex. This kink can be therapeutic for some people, as it allows them to shed their day-to-day persona and step into the shoes of someone else. It’s a great way to experiment with power and sensation and is especially popular among people who have experienced sexual trauma.
4. Be honest
Many people aren’t comfortable sharing their fetishes with friends or partners. However, if you’re with an escort service, it can be safe to discuss these things with the person with whom you’re spending time. The service will likely have plenty of experience in exploring different kinks with their clients, and they may even be able to suggest new experiences for you.
There’s a lot of misinformation about the kink community, and it’s important to be honest about what you like and don’t like to do. That’s especially true if you’re discussing your kinks with someone who isn’t familiar with them.
For instance, some people’s fetishes include non-sexual activities. One common example is snuggling and cuddling, which can provide pleasure that isn’t sexual in nature. Another example is anal sex, which can be pleasurable for people who prefer it to other forms of sexual activity.
You can use a Yes-No-Maybe list to figure out what your kinks and preferences are. You can also find a variety of websites that offer kink-related content and resources. Some of these sites have forums where you can discuss your interests with other members, or ask questions to group moderators. Other sites feature video pornography, written erotica, and other kinky media. You can also check out male escort services that allow you to explore your kinks in a safe and discreet way.
